Rules For Our Version of Spank Poker


by Games of Chance

A friend and I invented a spanking card game a couple of years ago. It is a high testosterone game of oneupsmanship with unexpected turns. Should promote good hearty camaraderie and risk taking. We play on a regular basis with some other 30somethings. Rules are intentionally complicated, but bare with it. Please feel free to revise and post your revisions too. Does require 3 or 4 good friend who both give and take.

I am posting this with the co-creators permission, although, he has threatened me with swats for misspellings, poor grammar, and for any rules stated wrong.

Game requirements: deck of cards, 25 markers or poker chips, variety of spanking instruments.

At least four players, with 4 to 6 working best. Above that number two groups.

Rules:

First to encourage people to be on time. No one can arrive more than 30 minutes before start time. In order of arrival host spanks first to arrive 10 swats by hand over jeans. First to arrive spanks second to arrive 15, and so fourth adding five each time. Late arrivals get same but with paddle.

First dealer is guy spanked most recently. Dealer rotates clockwise after that.

Deal 3 card poker hand face up. Winning hand will spank lowest hand. Use traditional ranking of poker hands (obviously there is no full house).

Players can return up to two cards to dealer, but takes a marker for each card returned. The markers count in the penalties below if the dealer wins the hand.

All cards remain face up until after penalty.

Winner returns this rounds marker(s) to bank. Loser may use markers as outlined below. All others hold their markers.

A player may see the rules anytime except while setting up cards for their own penalty.

Loser draws one additional card to add to their hand. Now the creative part, the loser can arrange their cards to determine their spanking. Loser must arrange their cards left to right from other players' perspectives.

First card is number of swats. numbered cards are that number of swats, Jack is 12, Queen and King 15, and Ace 20. Loser must play a heart here if they hold one, if hold more than one heart is loser's choice.

Second card is penalty position. If player plays a black card here, player can request penalty take place in private. 2-5 is over the lap or OTK, 6 is over leg (spanker stands and rests one foot on low stool), 7 is over back of couch, 8 is over stool or ottoman, 10 is on floor face down butt up over pillows, Jack is OTK spanker allowed to hold _c_o_c_k_ and balls, Queen is lying on back legs up, King is what we call the throne position, Ace is spanker's choice. Throne position uses an upholstered chair with arms. Loser faces front of chair and kneels on seat and grips the top of the chair. Loser then bends from waist to top of back of chair.

Third card is dress (or undress card). 2 through 4 as dressed, 5 & 6 drop trou, 7 drop trou and spanker pulls down underwear, 8 & 9 drop trou stay dropped until lost, 10 trousers and underwear stay dropped until lost, Jack lose pants, Queen & King lose pants and underwear, ace lose all clothing. Remember once item is lost, it is lost until end of match.

Fourth card is implement also per list. 5 or less is hand, 6 is light paddle (something like hair brush), 7 is ruler, 8 is belt, 9 is leather paddle, 10 is strap, Jack is switch (if possible spankee fetches a fresh one), Queen or King spankee choses cane or frat paddle, and Ace is spanker's choice (though we exclude cane from choices).

Play should now continue in this order.

Any player, who is not a winner or loser can give one marker to the loser for each 2 or 3 in their hand. If the 2 or 3 was from the first three cards dealt, they can also give a bonus marker.

This next set of rule have been nicknamed the cry baby rules. If a player loses a hand while holding seven or more markers, not only do they get their penalty but spend the next hand in the corner (or presenting their butt in some other way). If caught peaking or not presenting, it is ten cracks (1/2 swing) of the paddle from the next hands loser (after the loser takes their own penalty) and back to the corner for one more hand. All markers of all players are returned to bank on return of cornered player. This rule was added to incentify guys to play less conservatively.

If the loser took markers in the last round and the dealer wins, the dealer can take back those markers and replaces one card per marker in the losers hand with cards from his own hand into any position he wants. If loser already has a heart in the first spot, dealer can only replace with another heart.

If player to right of loser has queen of hearts can replace the queen with any card in loser's hand. A lot of guys lose their pants and underwear because of this rule. This play is at the card holders option.

A loser may return two markers to the bank and take the next undealt card. Loser must declare card they are replacing before drawing and may only do so once per hand.

This is called the guts play. If a loser is holding five or more markers, they can call 'guts'. Now they draw the next undealt card. If lower than the lowest card of the winner, the winner and loser will change places for the penalty. If loser card is not lower than the winners lowest card, the number of swats is doubled. Either way loser returns all markers to bank and cry baby rules are suspended.

If any player holds a 3 card royal flush (any three sequential cards between 10 and high Ace of the same suit), the loser penalty phase is dropped and the royal flush holder gives ten whacks with his choice over current dress to all other players.

All penalties carried out immediately. Unless play black in position spot, all penalties are done so as to allow other players to watch.

The best part is you can tell your significant other you were playing poker with the guys. Good luck.


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