The author is totally opposed to non-consensual corporal punishment, and totally opposed to adults abusing children. Adults should play with adults ONLY.
I am pleased to report that almost without exception my methods of instruction to the boys are yielding results: this new Term's improvement in school grades has already resulted in a letter of congratulation from the School Governors.
As Headmaster my enthusiasm for active and dynamic education has never been greater, and increases with each day as we move into the challenges and rigours of the glorious British winter with its challenges to body, mind and spirit. Gone are the decoration of leaves and flowers and now we return to the hard core of nature revealed in all its austere reality, our bodies lashed by the cold winds and rain, our minds anticipating the joys of ice and snow that lie ahead: the perfect circumstances indeed in which to address the deepest spiritual needs of the 11 - 18 year old mind.
This school is one of the finest in England. It has both a national and international reputation. The image of the ivy growing upon its imposing grey walls underlines its status as being near the very top of the first division of English schools. I do not intend to be a weak link in the iron chain of leaders who have graced the office of Headmaster.
However I have a confession. I readily confess that my own education as Headmaster has been considerably advanced in the last few days, following my attendance at the British Headmaster's Conference on Wednesday of last week.
Usually I find these conferences rather tedious affairs, with discussion and debate on the trivia and minutia of academia, and not least of tiresome academic politics. However my day was lifted out of tedium by a mid-morning side meeting from the main conference, at which interested delegates debated upon, and then voted to condemn, the sorry state of affairs in which a great British headmaster was recently chastised and penalised for his method of instructing disobedient teenage girls in his charge. We studied a report which referred to his eminently sensible technique of requiring his charges to lift their dresses above their buttocks, then after lecturing them on their misbehaviour, placing them across his knee, ' removing their knickers ' and administering a sound spanking to their bare buttocks in the tried, tested and thoroughly efficacious manner. There was widespread agreement amongst delegates that this fine traditionalist is an inspiration to all of us in our unflinching pursuit of standards and excellence in the face of a lazy, easy-option-taking nonsense of today's so-called society.
As the day continued I thought that the morning's highlight would pretty much conclude any benefit we might derive from the conference. I was wrong. At 4 pm we had the closing speech to this year's Headmaster's Conference, and were fortunate indeed to hear a most inspirational closing speech from this year's Chairman, who I am delighted to report is the leading and most distinguished British Headmaster C. S. R. Neil:
" Education, education, education. Yes, that must be our priority as a society Gentlemen, as we in this room would all agree. But idleness, sloppiness, the casual approach to school by so many pupils, that must be our priority to address also. Standards of education and standards of discipline must run in tandem gentlemen. And by discipline I do not mean weak half-hearted, trendy methods based on the buzz words of understanding, empathy, choice, alternative methods, and such nonsense. I refer to true discipline. Discipline, discipline, discipline, that must be our ethos, our axiom, too, Gentlemen ! And proper discipline must mean a return to tried tested traditional practices of sound spanking, and thorough caning. Sound and thorough Gentlemen ! I choose my words carefully this afternoon. Discipline should mean proper, adequate punishment, delivered with professional rigour, expertise and care, not a mere formality, or unthinking routine. A true punishment is a comprehensive, penetrating, overwhelming renewing experience, a union of souls, and a shared learning experience as the headmaster beats away at a boy's buttocks, followed by the music of gratitude which must emanate in the boy's howling of thanks in their purest form, before the most perfect 'thank you Sir', by way of tears ". It is only when one is able to confer with one's peers in the profession that one is able to make what I refer to as ' course corrections ' in the development of our methods and in the nurturing and nourishing of our careers in this great profession. I listened to the great man's words with a growing sense of guilt at my own reserve in not hitherto pushing forward my philosophy of discipline to the full extent advocated by Neil, and I am certain that others in the hall were similarly stirred and inspired by his speech to rethink their methods.
I must confess that I was yet more deeply perturbed throughout the following school day, Thursday. I sat at my desk at end of day reflecting upon what, I by then realised without doubt, has been has been a quite unacceptable restraint in my administration of corporal punishment to the boys, and moreover a certain trepidation that parents or school governors may have occasion to criticise me for my continuing restraint unless I take urgent steps to improve. Indeed the inescapable conclusion of my session with myself in my study was ' could do better '.
It was therefore with considerable relief that today, Monday, at 11 am, offered me such an early opportunity to do better.
Mark. 12. Trouble, trouble, trouble. Good home, money, and wants for nothing - except a good hiding. No excuses at this school: no social deprivation, no psychological problems. Mischief, pranks, testing the system and its limits, more like. Mark, without a doubt the school's number one trouble-maker.
I wasted little time in discussion. Clearly his difficulties were an occasion for my urgent and experienced professional intervention to halt his downward spiral of misbehaviour and ever sinking grades. I instructed him to lower his trousers, bend over and hold his ankles. I then took the junior cane from its cupboard and approached the expectant boy. Without discussion or hesitation I yanked down his underpants to his ankles, positioned myself and the cane, and then proceeded to cane as I have never caned a boy before in my office. I thrashed the boy's bare buttocks with new vigour, and with almost military precision, my goal being the deepest communication between us whilst also conveying to him the seriousness of his offences and establishing the requirement of true penitence for his errors and the requirement that he demonstrate true gratitude for the efforts being made on his behalf. Indeed, by the fourth stroke tears began to flow and a new start had been most satisfactorily made.
Whilst being a firm believer in the cane, long experience has taught me that it is only in the administration of a spanking on the bare buttocks by the headmaster's firm hand that the necessary, intimate, direct, and personal human communication takes place and all necessary messages are fully conveyed: from headmaster to pupil but also from pupil to headmaster. Whilst effective as a means of communication to a degree, the somewhat impersonal, general way of the bamboo rod is not by itself satisfactory and tends rather to distance headmaster and pupil and reinforce school as an institution rather than a place of teamwork between staff and students and a place of deep and carefully guided human spiritual renewal and advance.
Once again there was nothing to discuss or debate. The young lad knew my requirements and his own needs. Moments after his thorough caning was complete I placed my leg upon a chair and lifted the bare buttocked lad up onto my knee until his feet were well above the ground. I whipped off his underpants altogether, and took his shirt well up his back almost to his shoulders. I then commenced a hard bare bottomed spanking, concentrating upon his instruction with my customary diligence until together we had established the necessary rhythm. But that was merely the beginning. Confident, enthusiastic, and exhilarated as never before, I pressed on, well past my normal limits of instruction, as together we crossed a threshold and advanced like soldiers into battle, beyond a point of no return. Together thus we charged headlong into the boy's future with audacity and fortitude as redoubling my efforts I applied my hand with utmost effect to his ever reddening bare buttocks, like a war horse carrying my charge into the heat of the battle of life, thrashing him onwards into the thick of education, emotion and the limit of physical endurance, with each of his gasps and wailing cries advancing us into the heart of our mutual enemy, until together we reached a positively symphonic climax to our set piece of education as his young buttocks rode up and down in time to my instructing hand and he bawled and howled his enthusiasm, gratitude and ecstasy as I carried us hard and fast in the face of modern standards and together we conquered their treacherous ranks in loud roaring glorious achievement, until bare buttocks aflame the boy towered like a mighty conqueror over the fallen field, now master of all he surveyed, staring at a future without limits, at the conclusion of the hardest, soundest, bare bottom spanking ever administered in a British school.
Education, education, education; discipline, discipline, discipline: sound and thorough; sound and thorough; most definitely, sound and thorough.
Truly, a satisfactory day indeed. And now, alas, once again, it is 4 pm on a Monday afternoon. This new term the school days have been passing all too quickly. Already darkness is falling and the trees outside are quite bare of leaves. As I sit taking my very small, very dry British sherry in the Headmaster's Study, I look upon the large portraits of former headmasters that adorn the walls of my study and I reflect with utmost pride that for pupil, and for Headmaster, today has been, a most excellent, new beginning.
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