Thank you for the people who have emailed me. I have nothing to hide now so might as well be honest. One of the things to remember is that my parents where quite old when I was born. My Mother was 40 and my Dad was 48 so even by the standards of the day they were traditional and old fashioned. They were not nasty or perverted people and they treated me well and with love but it was just that I was their boy, and that is the way I stayed, I never became a man who could be trusted in their eyes. Even in my 20s my Mum or Dad would walk into my bedroom and say something like Wear your brown trousers today, Neil. I remember being told to take my shorts and pants off in the kitchen to put in the washing machine while other adults from the church where there. I was about 16. They all ignored me but I always found it embarrassing to be treated as a child in front of other people. I had to walk through them and run upstairs to get new pants and jeans. I was a very timid child and the thought of rebelling never occurred to me.
I was punished in front of people, when I was younger it didnt matter who, I would be stripped and spanked, told off and that was that. I think that was true for others who were bought up at the same time as me. In a way it didnt change as I got older, but when I was younger I was spanked in front of girls as well as boys (usually older or much younger girls– dont remember it happening in front of girls my age) and as I got older that didnt happen. My mother spanked me in front of girls and didnt seem to see anything wrong. But as I got older she continued to spank me in front of women, the other teachers at the nursery school, my aunt people like that. They were always very sarcastic which I hated. I remember a woman in the church who had seen me being spanked saying she was surprised that I was still spanked bare when I was about 13 but my Mother just said she was a silly woman and that was the only thing boys understood and if I deserved it I got it. My Father never spanked me in front of girls but he did often say all boys are built the same so he really didnt see any problem with me showing myself in front of men and boys. I know my parents thought humiliation during punishment was acceptable but I m sure they had no idea that it would affect me so much.
I remember once getting a spanking in my room after I had just had a bath. After the spanking Dad told me to put on my vest, socks and slippers and told me to go downstairs, I was about 14 or 15 maybe even slightly more. My Aunt, Uncle and cousins were expected and I had heard them arriving whilst my Dad was telling me off. He told me I was to go downstairs and wait in the corner until I had thought about how selfish my actions had been. In the living room were my Aunt Betty (my Mums sister), Uncle Norry who I always liked and my three younger cousins. My cousin Carole would have been about 7 and Brian and Gary about 11. I dreaded going in but my Dad was behind me. I remember covering myself and then being pushed into the room. My Dad said I had been naughty and just got a spanking, I remember distinctly what I had done – I had dripped water and left big puddles all over the bathroom floor when I was having a bath and my Dad had come in afterwards and seen I hadnt wiped up. Anyway my bottom was stinging and I felt very painfully embarrassed. I had been spanked in front of my Aunt and Uncle but I felt I had grown up past the stage when it should have been happening. Uncle Norry was sort of saying oh dear oh dear but my Aunt asked me if vest and socks were a new fashion and seemed to think it was funny. I didnt really like my cousins but we knew each other well and they were smirking, exchanging glances. It was embarrassing because they were much younger than me, I dont think they could believe their luck.
I was told to go and stand in the corner with my hands by my side and that is where I stayed for a while. My Father discussed me, my behaviour, punishment and that I was not doing well at school. I could feel the breeze around my bare parts and bottom and felt very small and ashamed. I knew everyone could, and indeed was, looking at me. Aunt Betty kept on saying how Gary and Brian were good children and not at all like me.
Then my Father told me to go and sit down between my two cousins on the sofa My cousins kept on looking at each other, then looking down an my exposed penis and smirking. My bottom was rubbing on the tweedy covering of the sofa and I felt humiliated and my cheeks were red. In a way the fact they were sitting so close and either side of me made it worse – I cant really explain it. I sat there wishing it were all over but knowing I just had to endure the punishment because I had been selfish.
My Dad asked who wanted tea or juice and then Aunt Betty told me to go into the kitchen with her and Brian to get some. I dont remember what she said to me but she didnt really show me much sympathy and shortly afterwards Carole came in to the kitchen and was asking my Aunt why I didnt have any trousers on. My Aunt asked me to explain again which I did.
When the things were ready Aunt Betty gave me the tray to carry. My hands were still hovering over my front and she told me to wash them as they had been somewhere dirty which I did. I felt very humiliated at her bossing me around whilst I was bare and in front of Brian and Carole who were younger than me. They were looking directly at my penis and red bottom and felt waves of shame and humiliation which I cannot describe. I then had to carry the tray in. My Dad didnt seem to notice but I saw Gary and even Uncle Norry looking at my penis which was on full view of everyone and then my bottom as I had to walk round the room. My cousins were smirking and looking at each other and Aunt Betty was still bossing me around telling me what to do and the fact I was half dressed made it much worse. I then sat on the sofa and drank my juice. My Dad then said we would go out to the sea and that I should go and put my shirt and shorts on. As I stood up he said Leave your winkle alone, Neil! in a sharp voice and I had to put my hands by my side before he would let me walk out the room. Everyone looked directly at my penis as I went across the room and out the door. I knew my Cousins were having a laugh at me. In my dads mind it would have been family and other boys (he wouldnt have seen the shame in me bearing myself in front of a child like Carole) and anyway I should have thought about the consequences earlier on. He always called it my winkle though I was grown by then and it was the name given to a little boys penis. I can pretty much remember what happened and what people said as it stayed in my memory. I was spanked regularly but not excessively and the situations which were really humiliating were even more infrequently but by no means unusual. Because he would often tell people what had happened they seemed to stay with me for months and there was always the fear that I would be stripped and spanked which never ever went away whilst I was living at home.