Suspend all belief all ye who read here. No disrespect or offence intendeth to anyone:)
Ah, what would Christmas be without all the little darlings across the land performing in School Nativity plays? No, it wouldnt be a relief, it would be sad, now behave! With that in mind, let me present the customary nativity...with a twist.
Picture the scene, its Christmas in some strange alternate universe, no not this one, an even stranger one:) theres a play in production, the parts have been allocated, rehearsals rehearsed, its the big night and some oddly familiar characters are about to take the stage:) Quiet at the back please, or Ill have to send you out, and if I do, therell be smacked legs before bedtime;-)
Backstage at the brativity play, all is not peace and goodwill:
But its not fair, its just not fair! I want to be the angel Gabriel, I want to wear a tinsel tiara and have glittery wings. Id look divine darling, far better than him, he just cant carry that costume in the same way I could, hes much too short for a start. Sam glared at the glitter encrusted messenger of God, who, having issues of his own, glared back.
Its a halo, not a tiara, and anyway, I dont want to be a sissy angel, pouted the holy one, doing a mini impression of Michael Flately on an ecstasy binge. I want to be an arse!
Be quiet Daniel, and stop that stamping, said Jack, trying to straighten Dannys halo which insisted on leaning to one side, and I think what you wanted to be was an ass, its a kind of donkey.
He got it right first time darling.
Shut it sheep boy! Danny stuck his tongue out, youre always bleating.
Gimme that halo, Sam attempted to unhook the halo from Dannys head using his shepherds crook, its mine by rights, I was born to shine.
Colin hastily intervened before the angel and shepherd indulged in an unholy punch up. Stop it at once Sam, weve been through this, he unhooked crook from halo and took the surly shepherd to one side. Inserting a coaxing note into his voice, he pasted an encouraging smile onto his face, and gushed, besides youve got two roles to play, havent you, two important roles, youre the first shepherd and the innkeeper, there couldnt be a nativity without shepherds and an innkeeper, could there?
Sam stamped his foot crossly, darling, that would be a blessing, have you seen this costume, I mean have you really looked at it, have you? HORRID, HORRID, HORRID, a frumpy old sugar sack and if that isnt bad enough I have to wear this bloody tea towel on my head.
Sam, defying a strong urge to grit his teeth, wagged a finger in the petulant face, thats more than enough bad language from you, young man, I dont want to hear you swear again, and take those sunglasses off, shepherds didnt wear sunglasses, not in those days.
They didnt wear tea towels either darling! I mean it doesnt say in the bible, and there were shepherds abiding in the fields wearing dish drying cloths on their heads, did it?
Try not to think of it as a tea towel Sam, Colins urge to grit grew stronger, conveying itself from his teeth to his hands which had a compulsive desire to grit Sam warmly by the throat, its a Palestinian headdress.
Tell that to that philistine Danny then, Sam scowled ferociously, he keeps wiping his hands on it.
Ill have words with him, alright?
Can I be a wise man, Sam gazed up at him appealingly, go on, let me be a wise man, they get to wear crowns and jewels, I want to wear crowns and jewels, Id look gorgeous in crowns and jewels?
No Sam, said Colin firmly, youre a shepherd and the innkeeper and thats all there is to it!
Meanie, Sam pouted and turned his back, I made you a Christmas card with a fairy on, and lots of sparkle and glitter, Im not giving it to you now, I dont like you any more.
I suppose Ill just have to live with that sad fact. Colin sighed, he was already looking forward to Easter. Youll be on soon, innkeeper first, then shepherd, heres your prop, put it somewhere safe. He held out a large toy sheep.
Nope, Sam stubbornly shook his head and crossed his arms, refusing to take it, dont like!
Im not wearing it, the door of the costume room suddenly crashed open making Sam and Colin jump with fright. Im not, Im not wearing a bloody girly long frock! Ally stormed out in high dudgeon.
Thats enough of that bad language Alison MacIntyre, Dennis quickly followed her, knowing that if he didnt keep an eye on her, shed disappear somewhere and they wouldnt be able to find her for ages. Remember youre a young lady and young ladies do not swear, a loud raspberry greeted this remark, followed by a yelp, I warned you what would happen if you did that again, now behave yourself. You have to wear a dress, Mary did not wear skater jeans and a fcuk t-shirt.
Well she should have done!
Dennis sighed, exchanging sympathetic looks with co-producers Sam and Jack.
Ill play Mary, piped an eager voice, I like that blue dress, its better than this ghastly rag, Sam tugged crossly at his dull coloured costume, and Mary gets a tinsel tiara, I want a tinsel tiara instead of this stupid tea towel.
Okay, Allys face brightened, Ill swap with Sam and be a shepherd, I like sheep.
Dennis grabbed Allys hand and marched her back towards the costume room. You are playing Mary, and that is that!
Marys stupid, I wouldnt let no dirty great angel tell me I was with child by the Holy Ghost, Id punch its lights out!
Im fairly confident that youll be way down low on any list of prospective candidates for the real mother of the Messiah, said Dennis with a touch of asperity in his voice. He firmly closed the door of the costume room.
Its not fair, its just not fair, I want... Sam stopped mid-moan as a stern finger presented itself to the tip of his nose. It spoke with Colins voice.
Listen to me young man! You are not playing the angel, you are not playing a wise man, you are not playing Mary, you are the first shepherd, and the innkeeper, are we clear on your roles in this production, or do we need to go somewhere quiet and discuss then in greater depth?
Sams pout reached competition standard, but he shook his head, muttering, okay, Ill be a smelly, stinky, dull little shepherd and boring, boring innkeeper. I just hope you can live with yourself when I end up emotionally scarred by it all!
Colin leaned down, see that corner over there? He pointed.
Sam peeped over the tops of his Mickey Mouse sunspecs, Im not blind darling, I see it, what about it?
Go and stand in it, facing the wall. Ill come for you when its time for you to go on stage.
Something about the murderous gleam in Colins eye, persuaded Sam that obedience without question would be a smart move. He smartly moved.
Jack, Jack! Danny tugged impatiently at his sleeve.
What is it Danny, Im trying to fix your harness, we have to string you up ready for your big entrance?
I need a wee Jack.
No, said Jack firmly, you went not five minutes since, you cant possibly need another one, besides Ive got you all wired up now, all ready to descend on stage.
But I want to go Jack, I really want to go!
Ive warned you time and again about drinking too much orange juice, its getting to be a bad habit.
I only had six pints, thats not much, Danny scowled, if I wet myself, itll be all your fault.
You wont wet yourself Daniel, youll only be onstage for a few minutes then you can go to the toilet. Jack stared in frustration at Dannys halo which had once again reverted to leaning heavily to one side. He straightened it determinedly, murmuring, well make an angel out of you yet.
Gordon smiled and squatted down in front of Nigel, you look very nice, are you all set, can you remember your lines and the words of your song?
Yes Gordon, Im good at remembering second shepherd lines, and singing, I am arent I Gordon? Nigel gazed earnestly into the blue eyes, Paul and Anna have been helping me practice. I got all mixed up at first, but they taught me the right words, that was nice wasnt it Gordon?
Yes, very nice, Gordon turned to smile at two of the three wise men, who beamed back at him radiantly. The third wise man was intently holding his gift of gold close to his ear. What are you doing James?
Theres someone inside here Gordon.
No James, there isnt, its just a box wrapped in gold paper.
There is Gordon, I can hear a voice, its a woman.
Theres no one in that box James, give it to me. Gordon took the box, his face blanching as a strange tinny voice emanated from it. He cautiously held it to his ear, then grinned, its a music box thats been wrapped up, moving the box must trigger the mechanism. I think its Julie Andrews singing a song from The Sound Of Music.
Whats The Sound Of Music Gordon, is it nice, would I like it?
Its a film Nigel, I expect it will be on television this Christmas, it usually is, Gordon shuddered slightly, making a mental note to be out when it was televised. He turned to Nat, have you learned all your lines as Joseph?
Nat gave him a withering look, yes Ive learned all my lines, such as they are. I mean its hardly a demanding role is it, virtually just a walk on part, not likely to get an Oscar nomination out of it, am I?
Gordon raised his eyebrows, I was only asking young man, so dont take that tone with me...whats that youve got in your hand?
Nothing, Nat whipped his hands behind his back, adopting an expression of intense innocence.
Give it to me, now! Gordon held out his hand, now Nathaniel, before I decide we need to have a private talk.
Nat pouted but handed over the object.
And exactly why are you carrying one of the school stick insects around with you? Gordon observed the stiff object with disgust, then fixed ice blue eyes on Nathaniel.
I though Anna was the school stick insect? interjected Paul, glancing slyly at her.
Shurrup Muppet boy or Ill stick that Myrrh where the sun dont shine!
You and whose army skinny Jinny?
I dont need an army to get the better of you figgy pudding face!
Thats enough, both of you, Gordon turned the icy eyes on them, why must you always quarrel, its most tiresome? He turned back to Nat, these creatures are fragile, you have to handle them carefully, preferably not handle them at all, or they end up dead, like this one!
Nats bottom lip quivered, it was already dead Gordon, when I went to feed it, it had fallen off its twig, and, and, and...
And what sweetheart? said Gordon more gently.
I didnt want Nigel to see it, cos he gets so upset, so I put it in my pocket till I could find somewhere to bury it.
Youre a very kind boy, Gordon patted Nats shoulder, but you should have told me and Id have dealt with it. Ill pay a visit to the pet shop later, buy a replacement, maybe Ill get a goldfish too, theyre easy to look after. He deposited the deceased creature in the waste bin, then took a peep between the curtains, almost a full house, not long to go now...Places everyone!
Colin hurried towards Sams corner, Come on S.... He rocked back on his heels, momentarily rendered speechless. However, his vocal chords soon made a rapid recovery, off! He yelled, all of it, off this minute!
But I look lovely, Sam simpered and did a little twirl, admit it darling. Im bringing glamour to the tedious little world of sheepdom.
Shepherds and innkeepers, ground out Colin from between clenched teeth as he began to un-decorate Sam, did not secure their head gear with silver tinsel, nor did they belt their robes with gold and purple tinsel, nor did they wear Cinderella glass slippers, and they definitely did not wear Christmas tree bauble earrings or carry sparkling wands. Its all coming off and it had better stay off, and furthermore, he lifted the shepherds robe, depositing a brisk slap on Sams bottom, you were told to stand quietly in that corner, not raid the Christmas decorations box.
Cant I just keep the wand, wailed Sam, rubbing his backside, its only a little wand?
No, Colin flung out a dramatic arm, now get on that stage and prepare to turn Mary and Joseph away from the inn.
Sam flounced on to the stage muttering something about beasts who could play an entire heard of oxen without needing makeup or masks.
Colin forced himself to take deep calming breaths as he unwound a set of flashing fairy lights from the stuffed sheep.
The Brativity Performance:
Joseph knocked on the cardboard doors of the inn: Please let us have a room quick, my bethrow...bethro...her, the wife, he jerked his thumb at Mary, who grinned in a very un-Madonna like way.
Ha, ha, she said, in a sing song voice, Nat-cant-say-betrothed!
Can too!
Cant!
I was getting there until you rudely interrupted me, and anyway, Im not Nat now, Im Joseph, Im in character.
Shut it Joe and get on with it, or Ill be stuck in this bloody frock all night.
Joseph glared at his beloved betrothed and knocked on the door again, my wife is with child and needs to have somewhere to lie down so she can be without it!
Thats not in the script.
It is now.
The Innkeeper dramatically flung open the cardboard doors, almost wrecking the set which wobbled like the walls in prisoner cell block H: Tough luck darlings, he bawled, the inn is full, so shove off! He slammed the door closed.
Ill kill him, mumbled Colin, watching from the wings. He reached into his pocket for his indigestion tablets, popping one in his mouth.
Mary hitched up her frock and booted the door, yelling: Open this sodding door or Ill kick out all your teeth!
NO, GO AWAY BLOODY TOURISTS!
YOU PONTIUS PILATE PIG! Yelled Mary, punching a hole in the cardboard door. Let me in or Ill tear off your lugs!
Popping another indigestion tablet in his mouth, Colin went in search of some aspirin.
And so, Dennis, glaring furiously at Alison, walked quickly onto the stage, acting as narrator, the innkeeper, being a kind soul, took pity and offered them the use of his stable. While there, the time came for Mary to have her child.
The hairs on the back of his neck suddenly rose, and there was an audible gasp of fright from the audience as Alison broke into an agonised screaming while writhing around clutching her stomach. AAAAGGHHH...OOOOHHHH......BLOODY HELL. CAN I PUSH YET?....GIVE ME PAIN RELIEF...I WANT GAS AND AIR AND I WANT IT NOW!!
Dennis, his heart hammering like a piston rod, pulled her to one side, and hissed, what on earth are you doing young lady? You nearly gave the vicar a heart attack, hes just fallen off the front row bench.
Im giving birth, Im trying to make it realistic! Alison smiled sweetly and fluttered her eyelashes.
Stick to the script and just you wait until I get you off this stage Alison MacIntyre! whispered Dennis fiercely, then turned back to the audience with an actors smile, and so, Mary gave birth to a son, her firstborn, he ambled across to the side of the stage where the box containing the doll playing Jesus was waiting for its big moment, and she wrapped him in, his jaw dropped as he picked the doll up, a leopard skin mini dress and combat boots.......DANNY!
The angel of the Lord was thankful he was hanging safely from the rafters as his name reverberated around the hall.
Jesus was quickly and more decently attired in swaddling clothes, then hastily thrust at Mary to place reverently in the manger.
Ill lay him in the manger, hes my son too you know, Im a modern dad I am, Joseph suddenly made a lunge for the doll, grabbing it out of Marys arms, besides, youll be tired after just giving birth.
Gerrof, Mary grabbed it back, hes Gods son, not yours, and its my job to put him in the manger. She went to do her motherly duty.
Dennis and the audience once again recoiled in shock, the vicar crashing from the pew hed only just remounted, as she began shrieking at the top of her voice.
The manger is full of dead things....AAAAIEEEE....one of them is still alive, its alive, its ALIVE, its attacking me, its on my arm, get it off, get it off! She waved her arm frantically dislodging a large stick insect which dropped onto the stage floor with a plop. Grabbing the baby Jesus by the heels Ally proceeded to beat the insect to death with him. Its okay, she gasped, pointing down at the messy pulp, the buggers dead. I reckon it was a foul plot by Herod to assassinate the new born king in his bed. There you go kid, she tossed the doll into the manger, you can sleep in heavenly peace now.
There was a stunned silence in the hall.
Nat allowed his eyes to travel slowly to the wings were Gordon was standing, arms folded, and with a look on his face that would have caused Frosty the Snowman to erupt in Goosebumps. It was already dead, he mouthed defensively, it was Gordon, really it was, they all were, I promise, it must have just caught on her sleeve.
Unfolding his arms Gordon crooked his index finger in a gesture that suggested he wished Nathaniel to come to him. Putting a knuckle in his mouth, Nat slowly shook his head from side to side, in a gesture that suggested he would rather eat a dead stick insect than go to Gordon.
A ghostly and plaintive voice floated eerily down from the rafters, Jaaack, I need a wee, I cant hang on much longer, I really need to go now!
In the wings Colin shoved the crook and sheep into a sulky Sams hands pointed forcefully at the stage and growled, no more whining, get on that stage and shepherd in the way we rehearsed, no more ad-libs, or else!
If I catch foot and mouth off this thing, Sam clutched the sheep crossly, Ill sue darling, I will. Recognising the familiar movement of a vengeful hand drawing itself back into swat mode, he galloped onto the stage.
On you go Nigel, Gordon gently manoeuvred the second shepherd onto the stage, attempting to discreetly collar Joseph at the same time, but was thwarted when he craftily side stepped him, scuttling across the back of the stage to the safety of the opposite wing. Gordons eyes narrowed as Marys spouse gave him a cheeky wave.
Get ready to winch Danny down Jack, said Dennis wearily, lets get this farce over with. He fixed his narrators smile in place and walked to the centre of the stage. In the countryside close by, there were shepherds abiding in the fields. They took it in turns to watch their flocks by night. And lo the angel of the Lord appeared to them and the glory of the Lord shone about them. They were sore afraid, he stepped to one side, holding out his hand to indicate that a holy happening was in progress as Danny slowly descended from the rafters, but the angel said...
DO NOT BE AFRAID, roared Danny, as if fearful that the people at the back of the hall couldnt hear him, when in actual fact he could be heard several blocks away. I BRING TIDINGS OF ENORMOUS JOY... The stage lights sparkled prettily on his wings and halo and there was a collective ripple of oohs and aahs from the audience who, although rendered deaf by the angels proclamation, still had their visual faculties intact.
Sams green eyed monster took full and terrible possession of him. Wildly whacking his crook like a Mexican trying to break open a piņata, he swiped at the angel of the Lord, yelling, Im not afraid of you ginger nut, whod be scared of a ginger angel? Anyway, everyone knows there isnt any ginger angels, angels are blonde. It should be me up there, twinkling and shining, now gimme that tiara, he swung his crook like a shepherd possessed.
Get stuffed Lambo! Danny grabbed his wires and swung himself at Sams head, kicking out with his feet, managing to dislodge the tea towel head dress.
Winch him up Jack quick, this is turning ugly, whispered Dennis urgently.
Im trying, hissed Jack, the mechanism is stuck.
Danny soon built up a good momentum, flying back and forth across the stage like a celestial Peter Pan, trying to avoid the lash of the shepherds stick, which had already struck him sharply on the ankle. It struck again and he lost his temper, yelling, you flocking shepherd, Ill get you for that. Giving a Tarzan cry he swung towards Sam snatching both crook and sheep from his arms. After whacking Sam with the crook he chucked it to the side of the stage, then drop kicked the sheep into the audience. Unfortunately, it struck the vicars wife a hefty blow on the cranium sending her crashing backwards off her pew.
When does the James Bond film start? she asked, clambering dazedly back onto her seat.
Winch him up Jack, winch him up for Gods sake! Dennis stared wild eyed from the pantomime on stage to the frantic winch man in the wings.
Im trying Dennis, believe me, Im trying, but it wont budge, give me a hand. Jack wiped the sweat from his brow.
A loud wail of distress rang out as the bewildered second shepherd tried to dodge the missiles that his fellow shepherd was lobbing at the airborne angel. Thats not nice, its not nice is it Gordon, its not nice whacking angels of the Lord, you cant go round whacking angels of the Lord and kicking sheep, its just not Christian or even friendly, is it Gordon?
Grabbing the discarded shepherds staff Colin managed to hook it into the collar of Sams robe, dragging him ignominiously off stage. At the same moment the winch suddenly un-jammed and, with a scream, Danny rocketed back up into the rafters like a divine bungee jumper. His halo flew off and spun through the air doing a fine impression of a spangled Frisbee. The school caretaker caught it in his teeth, he didnt mean to, he just stood up at the wrong moment in order to leave the hall and avail himself of the facilities. He accepted the round of applause gracefully.
Poor Nigel was left alone on stage.
Sing your song, sing your song Nigel, theres a good lad, encouraged Gordon from the side of the stage. He nodded to the organist who struck up a chord.
Wait until I get my hands on this little devil, Jack began to wind Danny in, only to have the mechanism jam again.
Hurry up Jack, the voice sounded pained, get me down, I need to go.
Be quiet Daniel, hissed Jack fiercely, youll spoil Nigels Christmas carol, he suddenly paused, giving Gordon a horrified look, is he supposed to be singing those words to that tune?
Gordon turned his thoughts away from dead insects and listened more closely to the carol that Nigel was happily warbling.
While shepherds washed their socks at night, all sat in front of the telly, the angel of the Lord came down, and said, whos farted, cos its smelly?
Gordon groaned, covering his face with his hands. Just wait until I lay hands on that pair of rogues.
Dennis, a muscle rapidly twitching under his right eye, gazed solemnly at the audience, some of whom were weeping, and manfully carried on with the play. After Jesus had been born in Bethlehem, some wise men came and asked of Herod, where is the infant king, we saw his star rise in the East and have come to worship him.
Three richly enrobed wise men trooped on and circuited the stage carrying their gifts. The stable and manger were placed in a central position, with Mary and Joseph gazing proudly at their son, anything but gaze at Gordon and Dennis, who were gazing at them with terrifying intensity.
Completing one last tour of the stage the wise men finally arrived at the stable to present their gifts to the child. There was a sticky moment when a certain wise man refused point blank to hand over his gift of gold, which he had firmly clamped to the side of his head. A brief, but rather unseemly struggle followed. Mary won, leaving one wise man from the East wailing and nursing a black eye.
The organist began to play the opening bars of We Three Kings of Orient...
I dare you, whispered Paul out of the corner of his mouth, as James was escorted off stage by the narrator who gave Mary a look that indicated she was off his goodwill list.
I dare you too, in fact I double dare you.
They grinned at each other and launched into their carol with gusto. We Three Kings of Leicester square, selling ladies underwear, theyre fantastic, no elastic, whoops, there goes another pair!
Dennis, Jack and Gordon all borrowed an indigestion tablet from Colin and shared out what was left of the aspirin.
Lets get everyone gathered around the manger for the last carol, Dennis, mopped his brow with his hanky. I cant take much more of this.
Jack nodded, Dannys stuck up there for the time being, so Ill help with the singing.
Gordon, Colin and Dennis exchanged horrified glances. Dennis swallowed, is that really a good idea Jack, I mean Mrs Medley the organist is already under stress after Nigel, Paul and Annas renditions.
Im hardly likely to sing rude alternative words, now am I Dennis? said Jack with dignity.
The Grand finale:
The wise men, shepherds, oxen and ass, sheep, and the Holy Family gather around the crib where the new born babe lies peacefully sleeping.
Dennis nodded to Mrs Medley, who set aside her pint of brandy, and with shaking hands nobly played the opening bars of the final carol.
The assembled company, and audience, almost joined the heavenly host on high as Jacks voice boomed out ahead of everyone elses in totally the wrong key. Two of the oxen began to cry and the ass, being of a nervous disposition, fainted. SILENT NIGHT, HOLY NIGHT, ALL IS CALM, ALL...
Its raining, shouted Ally, as something pattered onto the manger, its raining!
Everyone stared in amazement as drops spattered down about them and onto the stage.
The roof must be leaking, said Gordon holding out his hands in bewilderment, well have to get someone in.
Its him, its him! bellowed Sam, pointing up into the rafters where Danny was still gently hanging and twinkling, the angel Gabriel is piddling on our heads!
Its not nice is it Gordon, wailed Nigel, its not nice piddling on Peoples heads?
Its pissing down, screeched Paul, its literally pissing down!
Thats enough swearing from you Paul, you too Anna, stop that giggling at once!
Everyone shrieked with fright as angel water got into the electrics and short circuited a microphone with an almighty flash and a bang that, had it been a pantomime, would have heralded the arrival of a genie. It was all too much for the poor vicar who, clutching his chest, plunged once more from his seat hitting the floor with a thud. His wife, an avid fan of Casualty and ER, leapt astride his body, pounding a fist into his chest and screaming, breathe, breathe you bugger, breathe, you cant peg out at Christmas, Ive just stuffed a goose!
I told you, wailed a mournful voice from on high, but you wouldnt listen, I told you, didnt I, I told you I couldnt wait, its not my fault Jack!
Mercifully the curtain fell on the performance to end all performances, the ambulance arrived to take the gibbering vicar away and Mrs Medley sojourned to her Sobriety Club meeting, taking a litre of Spanish brandy with her for medicinal purposes.
But Jack, you cant spank me, Danny had finally descended once more to earth, Im a messenger of God!
So am I, yelled Jack furiously, gripping him by the ear and marching him off, an avenging one.
But Dennis, wailed Ally, you cant spank me, Im the mother of the Messiah!
And Im the father of patience and goodwill, stated Dennis coldly, but frankincense(oh come on, its Christmas, Im allowed one pun) youve taken them to their very limits with your antics tonight young lady.
You cant spank me darling, pouted Sam, Im a humble and ignorant shepherd, I dont know any better, besides, none of this would have happened if youd let me have at least one stingy little sequin on my costume.
Ewe must be joking, Colin took a firm hold of Sams hand, youve been a baad boy all evening. (Look, it IS Christmas!)
I suppose you were hoping for a Christmas miracle, Gordon gazed sternly at Nat, did you perchance think the manger possessed resurrectional powers? And, he gave Paul and Anna a very un-jolly look, its obvious that you need help in remembering the correct words to carols, you can both spend tomorrow writing out the words for each song one hundred times. He ushered them ahead of him.
Can you manage that lot Gordon, Dennis gave him a sympathetic look.
Just fine, thank you Dennis, Im quite used to dealing with multiple mayhem.
And so endeth the brativity play for another year. Hearts and souls are cheered and warmed by the eternal beauty of the Christmas story, although in certain quarters there are other things being warmed besides;-)
Ding dong merrily on high, in heaven the bells are ringing. Ding dong verrily the sky, is rivn with brats loud singing, Ooohowwwohhhhowwwoooohhhhhowwwwohhhhhowwwoo! Een so, on earth below, hard hands keep smartly swinging, Tops get mad at behaviour bad, so bottoms are hot and stinging!
Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight;-)