A Painful Apology


by Tone

"What the hell were you thinking, man? Are you _f_u_c_k_ing stupid!" Sam looked up from staring at the floor to see his friend Lex's face turning redder by the second.

"Lex, I'm sorry, what else can I say. I know there's no excuse..."

"_d_a_m_n_ right there's no excuse. You're my best friend. I thought I could TRUST you and you go and do this."

Sam tried to think of something to say, knowing nothing he could say would make much of a difference. Borrowing Lex's car to go to a party hadn't seemed like such a big deal; Lex had let him borrow it before. And with Lex spending the weekend camping with his brother who had come up to see him while on leave from the military, Sam had figured Lex never even had to know about it. And it wasn't like he had been drunk when he left the party. A litte tipsy maybe, but in control. At least he had thought so, before he sideswiped a mailbox, knocked off the passenger side mirror somehow. He had managed to get the car safely back into the school parking lot---albeit running into one of the security light poles while parking it.

"Dammit!" Lex yelled, kicking a rock across the parking lot. He glared at Sam, who was standing a few feet away from the car. "How am I supposed to _f_u_c_k_ing pay to get this fixed? And I'll never hear the end of this from my dad; I wasn't supposed to let anyone use the car, and he'll never believe I didn't let you."

"Lex, man, calm down!" Sam said, crossing over to Lex and trying to put a hand on his shoulder. Lex pushed him away, and turned his back to him. Stung, Sam sam, "I'll pay for it, I promise, maybe I can't pay it all at once, but I will. And I'll talk to your father, tell him it was my fault, that I took it without asking..."

"Shut up, Sam! Just shut the hell up. And just go away, I don't want to see you right now."

Feeling horrible with shame and guilt, Sam turned and walked away, not knowing what else to do. He felt miserable; how could he have betrayed Lex like this. It was so stupid and irresponsible. Lex had been his best friend since they were randomly placed together as roommates freshman year. They were juniors now, and had been roommates ever since, and even pledged the same fraternity, becoming brothers as well as friends. He walked back to his and Lex's dorm room (Lex's parents had insisted he remain on campus rather than move into the fraternity house, and Sam had stayed with him). Wanting to give Lex some time to cool off, Sam gathered his Biology textbook and notes and decided to go to the library to study; maybe Lex would let him apologize later.

A couple hours later, Sam decided to give up on studying. He was too upset to study; he had to try to set things right with Lex. However, when he returned to the dorm room, Lex wasn't there. Instead, there was a note on his desk. Sam crossed the room to pick up the note. "I'm moving to the house--taking Jeff's spot until he comes back from Spain next semester. Lex." Looking around, Sam could see that Lex had already taken some of his things out of the room. He sank slowly into his chair, his breath whooshing out of him; he felt like crying. Why had he been so stupid? Putting his head in his hands, Sam sat there, thinking how much it would suck living in the stupid dorm without Lex to joke around with.

After about half an hour, he decided he wasn't going to let this happen without a fight. Yes, he had wronged Lex, but there had to be a way he could make up for it, a way he could gain back Lex's respect and friendship. Determinedly, he set out walking for the fraternity house, rehearsing in his mind what he planned to say to Lex. Entering the frat house, he looked around. Several of the brothers were watching TV in the lounge area. "Have you guys seen Lex?" asked Sam.

"He's here somewhere," answered George, who had pledged the same year as Sam and Lex. "Not sure if he wants to see you though---he was yelling earlier, something about you messing up his car. What's that all about?"

"Long story," replied Sam brusquely, and headed off to look for Lex. As it turns out, Lex was upstairs, arranging things in the room that Jeff had shared with another brother before moving out to study in Spain this semester.

"Hey, Lex," Sam said tenatively.

"What do you want?" Lex replied tersely.

"Look, I'm horribly sorry. Won't you let me apologize?" Sam asked. Lex said nothing, just looked at him with his arms crossed. Sam decided to continue. "Like I said, there's no excusing what I did. I shouldn't have taken the car without asking. I will pay for it, I promise. Please, man, don't let this ruin our friendship. The car can be fixed..."

Lex put up a hand. "Stop right there. This isn't about the car; of course it can be fixed. I'm pissed because I trusted you, and you _s_h_i_t_ on that. I can't room with someone I can't trust. I never thought I would even have to worry about something like this. The damage to my car is not big deal; the fact that YOU took it without asking and drove it drunk is what hurts. You could've been killed!"

"I know that, I'm sorry. But don't move out, we can work this out. I swear, I'll never do anything like this again."

"Look, Sam, I'm not gonna stop being your friend. You're like my brother, my real brother, not just a frat brother. But I'm just too angry to want to be around you much right now."

Sam sank down on the bed and put his head in his hands. What could he do to make it up to Lex? Yeah, Lex would still be his friend, but this was bound to drive a wedge between them. He was getting ready to get up to leave, when he spotted an unpainted frat paddle sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed. Apparently someone had intended to decorate it in some fashion, but had never gotten around to it, or it could simply have been an extra one left over after pledging. There were always more paddles than pledges, to make sure each guy got one. Granted, the paddles were for sentimental purposes only during pledging, as the college had adopted a strict anti-hazing policy ten years ago.

Sam stood up, grabbed the paddle, and before he lost his nerve, crossed the room to where Lex was moving things around in the closet. "Here," Sam said, handing it to him.

Lex looked at it quizzically. "What's this for?"

"Just hear me out before you say anything. I know I hurt you by betraying your trust. I'm offering you the opportunity to use that paddle on me, as an apology. I hurt you, I'm giving you the chance to do the same to me. I'm going to turn around and get into position at the desk here, and if you feel the need to use the paddle, feel free. I won't get up until you say I can." The look on Lex's face was shocked surprise. Sam shut the door to the room and turned around quickly, put his hands on the desk and bent over, much as if he were in a principal's office, putting his hands on the desk.

"You're serious about this, aren't you?" Lex said, sounding as if he couldn't quite believe it.

"Completely," answered Sam.

"You're a crazy son-of-a-bitch, dude," Lex said.

"Maybe, but I'm starting to come to my senses," Sam joked nervously. "If you don't make up your mind soon, I may sneak out the door."

"No, you stay put. I'm gonna swat you so hard your ass will twitch any time you go near my car."

Sam suddenly realized that maybe it hadn't been such a smart idea to hand his friend a paddle when he was so pissed at him, but there was no way to back out now. Sam could hear Lex moving around behind him, and then suddenly WHACK!! The paddle slammed down onto his ass. Sam jerked a little, but realized it didn't hurt that bad. Not nearly as much as the time he'd traded swats with "Killer" at the party right after pledging. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

WHAACK!

Sam grunted; that one had a little heat to it!

WHAACKK!!! "_d_a_m_n_," Sam muttered. It appeared Lex was getting better at this with every shot. Or maybe it was just that each one hurt more because he had already taken a couple. WHAACK!! WHAACK! After the fourth and fifth shots, Sam stopped thinking about why it was hurting, and was focused only on the fact that it WAS hurting. His ass felt like he had been leaning up next to one of those old radiators that his high school had had in the classrooms.

After about 30 seconds passed without another swat coming, Sam hoped that maybe Lex was going to stop. His hopes were crushed when Lex said, "So much for the warm-up." Sam gritted his teeth and shut his eyes, and suddenly WHAAAAACK!! a powerful swing caused him to jerk forward, practically knocking him onto the desk. WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK!! The swat was quickly followed by four more swats that were less intense, but felt just as hard because the sting from the hard swat was still continuing to build.

WHACK!! "UGHHGH!" Sam grunted.

WHACK!! "UHH!!"

WHACCK!! "_s_h_i_t_!" Sam gasped, tears coming to his eyes.

WHAACK!! Sam gasped again, and pounded the desktop in pain.

A short pause, some movement behind him, and WHAAAAAAAACK!! "_f_u_c_k_!!" yelled Sam, as a few tears rolled down his cheeks. Lex must've moved back a few steps and stepped into this one.

"Stand up," Sam heard Lex order in a cold voice. Slowly, Sam stood up, his knees buckling a little.

"So you're sorry about the car?" Lex asked.

Sam turned around, rubbing his hand across his eyes. "Ye-yes. I'm sorry. I was an idiot."

"You were," Sam agreed, his expression like stone. "But the car isn't really the issue. Like I said, I trusted you, and you _s_h_i_t_ on that."

"Lex...," Sam said, his eyes filling with tears again. "What more can I do. I know I hurt you..." Sam trailed off as Lex glared at him unmercifully.

"You want to show me you're truly sorry?"

"Yes, anything," Sam insisted.

"Then drop your pants."

"What?" Sam asked, looking at Lex like he hadn't heard him correctly.

"Drop your pants and bend back over the desk. Your skivvies too. I want to be able to make this really hurt, so you might feel a little bit of what I'm feeling."

Sam realized that he had no choice if he wanted to make amends with Lex. But God this was going to hurt! How could he take swats on the bare when swats on his jeans had just about wrecked him? Seeing the hurt that was still in Lex's face made the decision for him, though. Turning around, he quickly undid his fly and zipper, stuck his thumbs inside the waistband of his underwear, and shoved his pants and skivvies to his ankles. Being half-naked in front of Lex was no big deal, normally, but he had obviously never been in this situation.

Before he had much time to think about it, Sam felt the paddle against his bare ass. Lex moved it around, then pulled it away. "Hold on," Lex said, and Sam closed his eyes and braced himself. 10 seconds or more passed, and Sam was just about going crazy with dread, when TAP, Lex struck him lightly on the butt with the paddle, then dropped it on the floor.

"What?" Sam asked, confused and relieved.

"That's it, man. We're done here," Lex said quietly.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Now pull your pants up before I change my mind."

Sam didn't have to be told twice. Sam gingerly eased his clothes back onto his rather sore butt, and turned around to face Lex. Sam was shocked to see Lex had tears in his eyes. "So why did you do that?" Sam asked. "Not that I'm complaining."

"I just wanted to see if you were willing to do it. If you were truly sorry. I was over being angry with you before you even showed up. But I had to know that you knew you were wrong before I could really forgive you." He reached out and pulled Sam into an embrace, hugging him fiercely.

With tears in his eyes, Sam hugged him back. Having his best friend back had made the pain worth it.


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